This week I had a conversation with a friend, who shared with me that since the war in Israel started, she is unable to function properly. Her house is untidy, she listens to the news all day, and she is unavailable emotionally to her children and husband. She wondered with a great deal of pain, “What right do I have to act like this? I am here in Miami, safe and far from everything that is happening in Israel, and I am ashamed of myself. What right do I have to be afraid and suffering from stress? I feel like I’m at war with myself. This internal war drains all my energies and I spend whole days without doing anything significant.”
These feelings reflect the experience of many of us. A month has already passed since the murderous terrorist attacks in Israel. Many of us feel that our world has been shaken. We are exposed to shocking information about the massacres that took place, countless news stories that flow non-stop and terrible first-hand evidence. All these events overwhelm Jews throughout the world with difficult feelings that they have difficulty in processing.
We encounter a variety of emotional and behavioral reactions to these feelings. On the one hand, repression and disconnection and on the other hand, anger and accusation. In addition, there are feelings of dedication to aid and volunteering or alternatively, feeling of paralysis and inability to function. The negative feelings are heightened by the high consumption of news and information and constant connection to the Internet. At the same time, feelings of guilt also arise. Where does our right to react like this come from? After all, we are far from the war and are not experiencing the struggles of our brothers in Israel. The feelings of guilt make us suppress our negative feelings and refuse to accept them.
In this article, I will firstly analyze these feelings and their origin, then I will go on to present techniques for dealing with them more effectively. Emotional flooding is a situation in which a person is faced with a whirlwind of emotions and feelings, sometimes contradictory to each other and the person reaches a state where he is unable to process, understand or express these feelings. So, for example, we can feel the need to connect to the news in order to stay updated. This gives us a sense of control and reduces our feelings of uncertainty. On the other hand, there is a counter urge to disconnect and not be exposed to the difficult news, out of a desire to protect ourselves.
Emotional flooding triggers three main reactions: fight, flight or freeze. That is, it may lead to actions whose purpose is to escape from the threat, for example, complete disconnection from the news, actions designed to fight the threatening factor such as anger, and actions of stopping and paralysis such as leaving work and ceasing to function.
Often, our automatic response when encountering stimuli that are difficult to accept is repression, that is, escape. This is a suboptimal way of coping that may worsen the distress. It is important to understand that repression does not work perfectly. Unpleasant feelings and painful memories do not simply disappear when repressed; rather they remain in the unconscious. Therefore, we are left with feelings of stress and anxiety that intensify and impair our daily functioning. In addition, this suppression is actually an emotional disconnection, and when a person tries to block the negative emotions, he actually damages his ability to experience positive emotions as well.
As a result, it is important to remember that the emotion itself is not the problem, but the problematic behaviors that may accompany it. When we agree to accept and feel the sadness, the loss, the fear, the uncertainty and the worry, these feelings will eventually fade away, and our mental resilience will be strengthened. This acceptance reflects our ability to contain and deal with crises. This strategy originates from many psychological theories, one of the most prominent of which is EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy). According to this approach, “you cannot leave a place before you reach it”. That is, emotional pain cannot be resolved without feeling it first. In order to experience these feelings, a person can meditate and think about them, write about the fear and worry or talk about it with someone. That way, these feelings can be contained and dealt with more effectively. The next step is to change the emotion, by practicing positive thinking, but in order to do this we must first accept the negative emotion.
The principle of acceptance of our negative feelings and working with them should also be applied to people around us. The act of listening and accepting the other is called validation. Validation can be expressed in sentences like: “You are sad and shocked. The story you just heard is definitely sad and shocking, it is natural to feel that way.” When we respond this way, without judgment or giving advice, we actually calm the emotions and regulate them. On the other hand, encouraging people to repress and avoid emotions may have the opposite result.
At the same time, it is important to emphasize that suppression of emotions and balanced withdrawal from them are also important psychological defense mechanisms that must be used in order to maintain mental health. Therefore, it is of supreme importance to maintain a healthy routine, and avoid exposure to difficult content in the various forms of media. Beyond that, everyone can identify the unique way in which they can calm themselves. Some people prefer to use mindfulness exercises such as conscious breathing, others prefer guided imagery, meditation, physical training, positive thinking etc. Doing for others is also a tool that can help significantly during this period, and taking part in the many voluntary initiatives may help us no less than the people we are meant to be helping.
In conclusion, we are indeed physically far from Israel, but we are fighting an internal war. The disturbing news overwhelms us with feelings of fear, stress, pain and worry. We should not fight and suppress these feelings. A successful swimmer knows that he must swim with the direction of the current and not to fight it. Therefore, by applying techniques of acceptance and validation and at the same time maintaining a normative routine, avoiding a lot of exposure to the media and engaging in meaningful activities, we can get through this crisis in the best possible way, and even grow from it
